LITERARY
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The component abilities, skills, and knowledge exemplified by the Filipino nurses evoked the extending and spreading demands for health care providers from all over the world despite of the fact that numerous novice and long-time health care workers have already landed stable jobs. This is one of the mental faculties, which enable an individual to deduce inferences from facts and to distinguish between right and wrong why many students decide to take up nursing degree although it requires enough zeal and a financial foundation.
However, rivalry for a high-earning nursing profession never terminates with the enthusiasm and sufficient financial ability to meet an exigency to learn the infinite concealed dimensions of providing compassionate genuine care. This is the hardest part of acquiring knowledge where the subject of discourse is hidden and this is also the part that paves way of the magnificence of the ensembles of nursing studies.
Peculiar and apparent state of mind is one of the keys to the fulfillment of one’s goal. This is something that has been objectively verified and asserted as certain that makes progress and development easier towards the remarkable and momentous acquisition of knowledge and skills. This is what a nursing student should possess in meeting pre-requisites adequately, owing the fact that to be proficient with the specialized instructions and practices of nursing, one must be able to recognize that caring isn’t provided alone, rather comes beforehand alongside with love.
Sensitivity to the individual’s necessities, empathy, compassion are only few of the behaviors and elements in order to be able to provide care with love.
In lieu of this quest, we may find difficulties and various impediments that may impinge on one’s own demeanor towards the acquisition of the sum or range of what has to be perceived, discovered, or inferred. Nonetheless, we must instill that sometimes we have to fall from the mountain to grasp mentally and completely what we are climbing for. We must become aware directly and perceive that obstacles were placed sturdy in our way to evaluate if what we want is really worth striving.
I am a seed planted in a pavement,
Can I grow high as the mountain?
I am a player of children’s games,
But I can only play with my shadow.
Like an eagle with gigantic wings,
But with cuffs and metal bars’,
Like a baby who learns to walk;
Tumble down and cry.
I’m blinded, I’m numb for I am
A prisoner of my own self..
I’m a slave of youthful ones
And a master of my own,
Being mediocre…
One feather…one ink bottle, for I am sad and blue. I am a prisoner of a four-sided dark room, Painting words so gloom.
One pen and a blank sheet, Here I always resolve. I am a slave of a lighted cubicle, molding phrases and melting auras.
I find myself, as always, Talking with my friend; Lying down in thousands of hand painted manuscripts, I sleep and dream, like dreaming dreams… of a pen and ink blots.
There is panic in the Intensive Care Unit. With my knees shaking, I fell in grief when I realized what the commotion meant. The busy doctors and nurses, the patient who is almost skin and bones, the nauseating smell of alcohol fills my senses.
I struggled to rest in the hospital bench. My world seems to spin like a top. I feel the nearness of death and I cannot bear his presence. I can hear screams, moans and lamentations. I am beginning to feel numbness all over my weakening body.
Why will the disciples of the great Hippocrates be weary? Them who know life more than any other specie in this doomed planet, why will they look so anguished if not for another wounded soldier ready to leave his fight for life?
I can imagine the look of horror all over my face. My lips are trembling and tears are beginning to roll down from my eyes. With it, a flood of thoughts came like mighty torrents of water. They engulfed my head and I was momentarily lost in the meniscus of the past.
In my memory bank, I saw myself standing beside a rusty hospital bed. There he was, pale and dying in agony. He had with him his guitar, set lazily beside his bed. His chamber was totally in an aura of hopelessness if not for a vase of some fresh flowers on a table.
“If the guitar could only play by its own, its music could have brought some antidote for his pain,” I mumbled sheepishly.
“How many times did this small, wooden stringed instrument comforted him? I don’t know. I couldn’t possibly remember. It may be a million times or so. One thing I’m sure of is that this friend never loses his faith even amidst an excruciating pain such as this”.
Three days ago, he called for me. He was already skin and bones by then, but still, he smiles with what seems to be a heavenly scent of joy and solitude. I remember shedding a tear or two at the agony of his fate but with much enthusiasm he still ceded my misery.
“Do you know that there is not much about dying? I have died twice and this will be my third.” He laughed too heartily for a very sick man on the brink of death.
I smiled ironically, but my smile cannot hide my pain. I cannot possibly imagine where he got such a positive attitude about life. He said that he got faith. The faith that sees the unseen, hears the inaudible and such kind of stuff. I cannot believe that faith alone can create such an effect. It can be the power of mind over matter at the most.
“What if I die today, how would you feel?”
He broke our silence. His eyes met mine and those pair of biological lenses pierced my whole being. I know that in my answer lies victory or defeat for this gladiator already worn out from his battle with life. I refused to answer. I was too stunned to do so. I stand beside this one person whom I spent most of my time with, beside this one person whom I grew up with and now he’s asking me how I would feel if he dies. How could he ask that?
He took my hand and motioned the nurses who look after him to leave. He smiled. There he goes again. If he’s not confined to this darn hospital room and sprawled helplessly on this darn hospital bed I will curse him to my heart’s content. He acts as if his smiles could bring him miracles.
More tears streamed down my cheeks. I watched in misery as each drama unfolded before me in a fast pace.
“You should take everything after my death. My clothes, my guitar, everything. They are my only faculties left. Have them with you in memory of a friendship that cannot be contained by this limited setting.”
He smiled and pointed to the sky through the open hospital window. I looked up. The clouds are white and the blue sky seems to speak of hope.
“I believe in love. I believe in friendship. Between true friends, life and death does not exist. They are merely dimensions where their bond is cultivated. Love reaches far beyond what the eyes can see and extends deeper than what the mind can fathom. I have Jesus in my heart and neither life nor death can change it. If you wish to see me beyond that blue sky, you should have the love and faith that I have. You have to try my Jesus. He will give you life.”
His last will and testament was over in a minute. I left the room totally lost in a sea of despair. Of all people in the world, here is one person I cannot afford giving up. Yet, here he is, suffering from affliction and I can do nothing but cry on his behalf.
Can this be life? I always thought that it is wonderful to be alive.
With all the joys, laughter, triumphs and friendships, I thought it would be euphoric to have life. But, can there be life without dismay, without misery or grief? Can I love without the suffering that naturally comes with it? I glanced once more at his room conscious of the agony behind the closed door.
“If I can only bear with him the pains he is going through… if I can only identify with his sufferings…”
In my mind, I figured myself bed-ridden. But no matter how much I tried, my ifs stayed feeble as they were. I was independently made to suffer my own afflictions. I cannot literally place myself within another person’s shoes for they simply won’t fit. We must suffer the thorns meant for us all by ourselves. I sighed. God, if he exists, must be a fool to orchestrate life like this.
The doctor pressed his hand on my shoulder. It was enough to bring me back to reality. I looked up and saw his pale face. He nodded sadly.
My best friend is gone.
There was a split second of silence. I walked slowly towards his deathbed and embraced his lifeless body for the last time. I held him close to my heart- my last homage to the best friend I ever knew or ever will know. I held him there until I could stand the pain no more.
My best friend has gone to be with his celestial master. Maybe by now, he is riding above Alpha Centauri, beyond Tau Ceti Four, enjoying his flight in the firmament of the heavens. We are now light years apart.
I allowed myself to be drowned in tears.
The ocean was calm and the sweet morning breeze of February made me shiver. I held the jar containing his ashes. I poured them out slowly upon the tide. I watched as some of it is blown by the wind and the others are etched on the crests of the billowing waves.
I took his guitar and in fervent prayer started to pluck. The wind swayed in harmony with the music. I began to sing.
Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Can’t believe the hopes He’s granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
Tears sprang again from my eyes. My lachrymal glands joined the fervency of the moment. It soothed my deepest emotions.
But we’ll keep you close as always
It won’t even seem you’re gone
Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong…
I paused for a while to compose myself. I could hardly pronounce the lyrics of the song that had been the hallmark of our friendship and the insignia of our brotherhood.
For friends are friends forever
If the Lord’s the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
Cause the welcome will not end
Though it’s hard to let you go
In the Father’s hands we know
That a lifetime’s not too long
To live as friends…
I sang the chorus with greater intensity. I sang it until words can no longer express what I contained in my heart. Until nothing matters but silence.
I quietly returned his guitar in its case to pour out the rest of his ashes in the ocean. My heart bloomed with a faith that I’ve never felt before. In my mind, I saw that he smiled. I smiled back and whispered in silence.
“Someday I will meet you there. What today and tomorrow cannot reach, we can because of love. It’s the love of Jesus that you had and which I now have and just like you, I will die with it.”
I wiped away my tears and turned back to face a new day. A brand new day with my newfound best friend. ©
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